A lot of people want to know why, why so many babies. I hear so often "is this one your last?", "don't you know how that happens?", "how many do you want anyway?", "don't you know what birth control is?" "how can you afford them? You must be on welfare", " how will you pay for all those college educations?" "how are you ever going to be able manage to care for them and give them the attention they need?" "When's the last time you slept through the night?" And sadly those are the nicer of the comments. For some reason when you have a larger than average family people think it's their job to dig into your personal life, ask in depth questions that are none of their business. I would never go up to a mother of two and ask them if all their children had the same father.People are just plain hateful and rude. So to answer a few of the nicer questions I decided to write this blog because in a sense I'm tired of repeating myself. It may be a long blog so prepare yourself.
Question #1 Why so many babies?
There are many reasons. One reason being that I have always wanted a big family because I wanted my kids to have a larger support system then what I have . I am from a traditional 2 child family . My Dad passed away 4 years ago , when My Mom and step dad are called home to heaven all I will have is my brother who isn't married and has no children. I have pretty much no other family close . All of my family is 1,000 miles away at the least . I want my kids to have a large support system , I want different for my children, I want a big family .
We choose to believe what the Bible and God say about children, not what society says about children. Society says children are a burden, a hindrance to living a good life, that you won't be able to do anything, that children cost so much that you have to be rich to have more than 2. It seems to be an unspoken rule that you should have a boy and a girl and then stop unless you have 2 boys or 2 girls then you can have a third but no more because anymore than that is a large expense, to much work and a burden . Kids are suppose to be a huge expense, and you couldn't possibly afford brand new cars, and nice vacations with more than two children. A family with 5 or 6 or more children would be considered to be crazy and people would either be angry with them or feel sorry for them , but on the contrary if you had 5-6 homes, or a huge garage full of 5 or 6 cars you would be considered to be well off, blessed and you must be doing something right with your life. Never mind the fact that things are just possessions you can't take it with you. That the bible says to store up treasures in heaven rather than on earth. I can take my kids to heaven with me, I can't take all my hard worked for possessions. They just collect dust and get thrown away.
The bible says children are a blessing and a reward over and over again. The bible says God provides and he truly has.
Psalms 127: 3-5 " Behold, Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies at the gate."
My personal favorite is: Psalms 128: 1-6" Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways! You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. The Lord bless you from Zion! May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life! "
Proverbs 17:6 "Grandchildren are the crowned glory of the aged, parents are the pride of their children."
Jeremiah 1:5 " I knew you BEFORE I formed you in your mothers womb. Before you were born I set you apart, and appointed you as the prophet to the nations."
God says children are a blessing, weather they are your first child or your 15th. All children are a blessing no matter what number they are in the line up. We have wanted every single one of our children. Yes Andrew was a unexpected surprise, but I wouldn't change it for the world. He wasn't in my plans, but he was in God's. If it was up to me I would have waited another year or so before we got pregnant again, not 5 months. He was meant to be here exactly when he came. If I would have went off of my plans look at what I would have missed. I would have missed out on a sweet precious little boy who loves his Mama more than anything. My kids along with every man, woman and child on the face of this earth is here for a purpose. God has something for each of us to do on this earth. God planned us before the beginning of time. He destined us to live on this earth at this exact time. None of my children are accidents that should have been prevented, they are blessings and they are part of God's plan for my life. The Lord calls us to be living sacrifices, but it never says how that is suppose to happen. Everyday I pour my life into these kids, I sacrifice for them and give them my all because they are the legacy I leave behind . I won't be here forever, someday Matt and I will be called to our heavenly home. My kids will live on, and what I teach them and how I raised them will live on in them and be passed on to their children and my great grandchildren. My descendents could change the world. I don't know the plans God has for them, they might cure cancer, be the next Billy Graham, or touch peoples lives in a simple way as a plumber or a farmer. Who knows what God will choose to do in them. I'm just glad I get to be a part of it. We choose to put our money, energy and time into something that will last for eternity, and won't collect dust and be thrown away.
Question #2 is the combination question. Is this one your last? Don't you know how that happens? "Don't you know what birth control is?" "how many do you want anyway?"
My husband gets quite a kick out of the "don't you know how that happens" question and takes it as an opportunity to embarrass the person that asked the question. Usually he responds with "yes and we are pretty good at it" or "no, do you know because we are clueless" or "yes but we figured we must be doing it right because the kids are cute, we will stop when we get an ugly one" . Usually the other person turns a few shades of red, realizes how stupid they were to ask such personal questions" He thinks it's hilarious and rude that random strangers are so concerned with what happens in our bedroom and makes a point to embarrass them. Yes we know how it happens, no we aren't clueless.
At this point we both feel that this child will be our last, however that may change if both of us change our mind. When we got married we never had a specific number of children we wanted, we have always gone forward with the mentality that we will see how things go, decide one child at a time and we will know when our family is complete . Now goes into the birth control question. No we do not believe in hormonal birth control other wise known at the pill, iud etc. We also don't believe in any permanent measures like tubals or vasectomies . After much prayer we do not feel either is right for us. I took the birth control pill when we were first married up until we wanted our first and went right back on it after she was born until we wanted our 2nd and after he was born I did the same but there were problems with the birth control that the doctor put me on. It made me very sick, so the doctor changed my birth control. During the change over is when we got pregnant. We were surprised with a positive pregnancy test when Jackson was 6 months old . Shortly after I found out I was pregnant with Andrew a friend brought up the subject of the birth control being an abortifacient. At first I didn't believe it, and decided to do my own research as to how the pill works. For those who don't know how the pill works is it first prevents ovulation, it thickens cervical mucus making it hard for sperm to get through, and it thins the lining of the uterus to prevent a conceived child from implanting into the uterus lining . If you take the pill perfectly the failure rate is very low, however if your like me and many other women and forget pills for days or take it at different times of the day the failure rate goes up a lot . You can release an egg, it can meet sperm and a child can be conceived but the child can't implant because the uterine lining is to thin so the baby dies causing an abortion or if it does implant the lining is so thin it can't sustain a pregnancy for long so you miscarry. Yes there are times where babies are conceived with birth control and live, but no one knows how many children die because they can't implant into the womb. I asked my doctor about my findings and he did confirm that what I researched was indeed how it works. In fact the same info is in most of the paperwork that comes with your pill. IUD's also thin the lining as well . As a Christian we believe life starts at conception and we do not believe in abortion in any shape or form, so we decided the pill was no longer an option for us . During my pregnancy with Andrew I educated myself in natural family planning , my cycles have always been like clockwork so it made it easier. After he was born in January of 2011 we began practicing natural family planning and have been successful with it ever since. We went over a year before we decided we wanted another child and conceived with in a couple of months. We have done the same since Nathan was born and we both decided in August that we wanted another and got pregnant right away. We joke that I'm fertile myrtle :) As I stated earlier at this time we feel that this will be our last child. However with that being said one of us or both of us may change our mind, or the Lord may decide different. Our perspective has always been that we practice natural family planning to prevent but if the Lord decides to bless us again in his timing we will gladly accept his blessings and his will. God is the author of life , and opens and closes the womb when he see's fit. He know's better than I do and we trust in that. We trust that if he gives another child he will give us the resources, time, energy and patience that are needed to raise another. He has never failed us yet. We have never gone with out, we have always had enough and sometimes there is no doubt that it has come from God.
Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways my ways declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways."
Question #3: How are you ever going to be able to care for all of them and give them the attention they need?
When I was pregnant with our 3rd child an older couple in our church approached me and asked me what number this baby was for us. I told her 3, and she said "honey once you have 3 you can handle 10" Turns out she had 8 grown children that were married with children of their own. At the time I thought she was a crazy lady, but I have found her words to be true.There is something that you learn to do when you have more than 2 children. You learn to prioritize who needs attention first, and before you know it you do it without thinking. When we brought home our 4th child there was literally no transition. Other than being a little sore from my c-section everything went on like normal. Matt took one day off work after I came home just to help me get settled and after that I was on my own and it was life as normal. At some point if you add another to the bunch it doesn't make much difference. Also 4 kids is not like having four babies. As they grow up they learn to do alot for themselves, and if you train them young they can be a big help. My kids make their own beds, clean their rooms, help with laundry, help with dinner and dishes and anything else I might ask them to do and most of the time there is no grumbling or complaining. My oldest two are pretty self sufficient as far as caring for themselves, and my almost 3 year old does a lot for himself. The only one that really depends on me for everything is my baby. As far as time and attention goes. I believe that they myth that you can only give one or two children proper attention is a lie from the devil. It's all about priorities and what matters most to you. For hundreds of years families had more than two kids, all turned out well. My Dad was one of 8 children, I never once heard him say anything about wishing he was from a smaller family because he didn't get enough love and attention. If anyone had a great time as a child it was my Dad. I have several friends who have 5-15 kids and all of there kids are happy and get plenty of attention. Granted most of them are homeschooling families, but some are not. We are a homeschooling family. I spend 24/7 with our kids, they get lots of love and attention. They get lots of one on one attention from Mama during school and all through the day. Matt is here as much as he is able. His job has a very unpredictable schedule. Someday's he's home at 5, other days not until midnight. Some weeks he's home and others he's out of town. He has busy seasons and then seasons where there is no work. It all evens out, and we make sure to have regular family time and little vacations even if it's just a trip to the mountains or the park for the day with the kids. As far as sleeping goes. Also most nights I sleep through the night, all of my kids are great sleepers. My problem is just getting to bed before midnight.
Question #4 How can you afford them? You must be on welfare
Well first of all NO we are not on welfare. My husband works extremely hard, usually he works somewhere around 60 hours or more a week. I work hard to make what we have stretch. If you truly know me you know that I am frugal to an extreme. We buy used clothes and shoes, and yes my kids have nice clothes. Mostly all name brand that I pay 1.00-2.00 at most per clothing item. We are also blessed by friends with lots of hand me downs. We hand down the clothes we do have. My 10 month old son wears the same clothes my soon to be 4 year old wore. If this child is a girl she will wear all of my 5 year old's baby clothes we still have stored away. We buy used toys, or shop sales. We also hand down toys, and we only buy toys twice a year which is Christmas and birthday's. We cloth diaper when we are home and only spend 30.00 a month in diapers with 2 kids in diapers. We grow a large garden and I can what we get from that. This year we have canned just a little over 300 jars and that on a slow year. I still have pumpkin to can but that is pretty much it. That takes a huge chunk out of our grocery bill. I also cook a lot from scratch and we eat leftovers once a week . I can feed our family of 6 for 300 a month easily. At the very most 400 a month but that's not very often. We eat out once a week but we know where to go that is budget friendly and most importantly where kids eat free. I have learned how to be frugal out of necessity. There was a time where we had to watch every penny, now that is not so much the case but I do it anyway because being frugal is what has made us be able to live the life we want to. We are working our way out of debt and have less than a year until we are completely out of debt other than our mortgage. We are in better financial shape with 4 soon to be 5 kids than we were when our first child was born. We have savings now, we had nothing when Sarah was born. We were in a ton of debt when we had our first child, now not including our mortgage we have very little debt.
Our kids don't cost us much to have them, we pay about 1500- 2000 or so after insurance has paid their portion. That's over the course of 9-11 months. Usually that's on co pays and medicine and any tests they won't pay for. In general to raise our kids doesn't cost us much either, clothes and shoes are handed down and what we do buy we don't spend much on. When you have a larger family you learn to cook meals that are budget friendly. We don't have steak, we have spaghetti. We really don't like steak much anyway. We don't eat out every night, and that makes it a treat when we do. We live good lives. our cars aren't brand new but they are dependable and one is paid for and the other soon will be. We have found that our cars drive better when they are paid for. We take vacations, just not extravagant ones. We still have date nights on occasion, and go out for girl time on a normal basis with friends. My kids never want for anything.
God has provided a lot for us over the years. God truly has taken care of us! Just in the past six months he has done huge things in our lives. In may our landlords approached us that they wanted to sell us the house . We didn't think it would be possible, but called a mortgage broker that a family member recommended. Turns out we were approved for much more than we needed to buy the house, and for a loan that required zero down. We got a good interest rate, we paid no closing costs and our payments ended up being less than we originally thought it would be. Basically buying our home costed us nothing up front. We have plans drawn up to add on to the house by closing in the garage and making a big laundry room and a classroom for homeschooling. Also we plan on finishing the attic and adding two more bedrooms, a bathroom and bonus room up there. Eventually we will add on a dining room with a wood stove to help with heating costs. Construction begins this spring with the garage, then the attic will follow and in 2-3 years the dining room. When it's all said and done our house will more than double in size, and be more than enough space. In the midst of buying the house Matt was given a much deserved raise, and just recently we were gifted a set a of brand new tires for his truck. My transmission went out in August, we debated over buying new or keeping our paid for van and fixing it. We decided to fix it but didn't have the money to do it right then and would have to save. At just that time worked really picked up for Matt, he worked lots of late nights sometimes not getting home until 1 or 2 in the morning. In a couple weeks time he made enough money to cover the cost of replacing the transmission. God provided the work so we could fix our van. We have never had to go without, we have seen God move in our lives and provide time and time again. Sometimes it comes in a extra job for Matt, or a big pot of green beans from the garden, a bag of hand me downs from a friend or other times it's come in unexpected gifts from friends or family. I have always believed the saying "God helps those that help them self" and "Opportunity is often disguised as hard work".
Question #5: How will you pay for all those college educations?
For some reason this seems to be the unforgivable sin to some people but we will not be paying for their college degrees. When I was a kid it was made clear to my brother and myself that if we wanted to go to college we were responsible for paying for it and my parents couldn't afford to pay for it. I got scholarships, student loans and made tuition payments. I worked my way through school. Other than a tank of gas here or there and some help with buying books my Mom didn't pay for my college education. I quit after two years because I honestly didn't know what I wanted to do and didn't want to waste my money. My brother graduated high school with a 4.0 and got a full ride to the local technical school. He paid nothing for his education. I am a better person for being made to work for my education, it is possible it's just not easy. I think it's a good thing to not give your kids everything. Our kids will work for college, and for their first car. You appreciate things more when you have hard work and sweat in it. I don't want my kids going to school just because Mommy and Daddy will pay for it, I want them to have a drive to succeed. If they choose not to do the college route that's fine. If they want trade school, just to work,travel or to get married or what ever they want to do we will support them. I do want them to pursue any learning opportunity they can, and learn to do as much as they can from people in their life. If you are willing usually anyone is willing to teach you how to do something. College does not always mean success. There are lots of successful people that don't have degrees. As long as you teach your kids to live within their means they will be successful degree or not.
We are beyond excited to be expecting again. Sarah is particularly excited because she wants a sister but who knows what will happen.We have had lots of comments from those who know already. The majority of people are happy for us but some are not so pleased. Some people think we already have alot on our plates already. Yes it is alot of work, but it's also alot of fun the majority of the time. At a certain point one child doesn't change much as far as work load goes. There is nothing more entertaining than a house full of silly kids. Life is never dull. I wouldn't change it for the world. This life makes me happy. Yes there are bad days, but Mom's with one or two have bad days to. It's bound to happen but the good days outnumber the bad. Just breathe and get through the day and hope tomorrow is better. My pregnancies aren't necessarily easy. I have gestational diabetes, and have had high blood pressure in 2 of 5 pregnancies and this will be my 5th c-section. So far we have 11 weeks and 1 day down, and everything is going very well. The doctor has me on a low dose of medicine for just my fasting blood sugars. Blood pressure is perfect and I'm not having any other issues. The doctor is very pleased. We are hoping for a healthy pregnancy, and a healthy baby. Hopefully I can fulfill Sarah's hopes for a sister but if not we will be happy with another little boy. I wish everyone understood how much of a blessing a child is, especially when you watch your older children love on your baby. This baby is very much wanted, and has already brought our family unspeakable joy.
