How I do it

"I don't know how you do it?" I hear it all the time!  Family ,  Friends or complete strangers will see me out at the grocery store , park or where ever and I will hear that comment . If we are at the grocery store I hear "Wow your brave , bringing all these little ones out here , how do you get them to stick with you and behave?"  I also get it when they come over to my house , how do you keep your house so clean with four little ones around, how do find the time to clean ?" When I tell people I homeschool they say "how do you find the time ?" I also hear alot "how do you afford all of them ?"  "How are you ever going to pay for all those college degrees? " My answer is always "It's not as hard as you think, or children aren't expensive lifestyle is".  It's all about schedule , organization and just  going with the flow at times because life is unpredictable .

Anyone that really knows me knows that I have always wanted a big family , I always knew I would have more that the socially acceptable two children , perhaps several more . I grew up in a small family with one brother 4 years younger than me , no cousins that I was particularly close to and no family close by other than my Grandma . We moved from Iowa to South Carolina in 2001 where we have pretty much no family . I did gain a few close friendships here but not many that I weekly spend time with .  All I had was my Mom , Stepdad, my brother and at the time my Grandma was living with us as well .  My Dad was still living in Iowa . My Grandma went home to be with the Lord in January of 2005 . My Dad also went on to his great reward in August of 2009 . That left me we a pretty small family of my Mom , Stepdad and brother . It breaks my heart to think that when my Mom passes all I will have  (other than my husband and children) is my brother and stepdad , neither of which I am not particularly close to .  I have always said I wanted a big family so that my children wouldn't be alone , that they would have a large support system whenever the Lord calls Matt and I home . Also they are lots of fun , life is never boring . I want big family get togethers and a close family . There is also lots of other reasons why I want a big family that I won't go into right now .

People always told me having a large family was a ton of work (which I can see in some aspects) , throw homeschooling all of them into the mix as well a child with many development delays that require weekly therapy and that makes things more complicated .  I was determined that I would do all I could to make it as easy as I could, to make life run relatively smoothly , and to enjoy the time with my kids. So a couple of years ago I read an article about having a large family mindset , learning how people with many children live every day life and not loose their sanity .  This is what I learned: cleaning , baths , cooking , grocery shopping , school and basically everything is on a routine and you must train them young in everything . I don't do schedules because with little ones life is unpredictable , you can't always have nap time at exactly 1:30 somedays it's 1:45 . We try to go in a general  routine everyday .

Bathtimes work like this: Bathnights at our house are Sunday's , Wednesdays , and Friday's . Of course the exceptions are blow out diapers ,  messy dinner  nights etc . I do try to plan messy suppers on bath nights though . Everyone gets a bath on those nights . Usually all the older ones can still fit in the tub , and at their ages they don't care that ones a girl and the other two are boys so it works .The baby gets a bath in the baby bath tub . Matt gives the oldest 3 a bath and I give the baby his bath and help get the other 3 dressed and hair combed . 

Grocery Shopping:  I do a  big trip once a month grocery trip , usually somewhere around the middle of the month because that is the best time to do it financially .  (it seems all of our bills are due at the beginning of the month) I will make one small trip a week for milk/bread/produce that we don't have in our garden and anything else we might need .   Usually I do that on Friday's . Usually by the time the month is over we spend about 300-350 total with all groceries , diapers , cleaning and paper products included. It takes alot of creativity and using what I have to keep the bill that small , but we are able .   I menu plan so their is never any guessing as of whats for dinner . We don't always go day to day by the menu but by the end of the month almost everything on the menu has been eaten . I usually plan for 35 nights worth of meals . If I go with all the kids we only get one buggy .  Andrew goes in the seat in the buggy , Nathan goes inside the buggy in his carrier , Sarah and Jackson walk beside the buggy and hold on to it . I never have any problems with little ones wandering off , putting things in the buggy , or whining because they can't have something. They learn early that they get in big trouble if they throw a fit in the store . I also train them early to stay with me, and behave . They also help bring things in when we get home and help put things away .

Meals: At our house family meals are a big thing . Every night we all eat together , even if that means we eat later than usual because Matt is working late . There is times when he is working very late and he will call and say go ahead and eat but that doesn't happen very often . Family time is important to us , it's something I grew up with and I want my children to have the same thing .  At least one of the kids usually help make dinner every night . And whoever doesn't help cook will help set and clear the table . The other night Jackson helped me make cornmeal pancakes by dumping in all the ingredients , and counting out the sausage links . Sarah put the syrup, butter and plates and silverware on the table and put everything away after dinner was over with . We also color code plates so there is no fighting over "he got my plate". I bought some sectional plates about a year ago at Goodwill . Sarah has purple or pink plates , Jackson has a dark blue and Andrew has kind of green color . When Nathan gets old enough he will probably have orange or yellow . I have thought about doing the same thing for cups so I never have to wonder whose cup is who but I haven't done it yet . Also we don't do picky eaters , if they don't like something they are required to eat at least 3 bites . Usually their is always something on the plate that they do like .  I don't fix special meals for someone (the exception of course would be allergies) , as I was told growing up this isn't a restaurant you eat what's put in front of them or they don't eat . 

Cleaning: Cleaning is done on a schedule at our house . Every afternoon the kids go to one of their bed rooms from about 12:30 to 1:15 to play .  I will get my cleaning done then that I can't do when they are in the way .  In their rooms there is nothing that can get into or get hurt by and I check on them regularly. This is what gets done daily : dishes , vaccuming , sweeping and usually trash . On Mondays : I basically just do my daily chores because that is our busy day . Tuesday's I do all the basics plus dust and clean the windows .Wednesday's I do the basic's plus mopping . Thursday's I do the basics plus clean the bathrooms and clean the windows . Friday's I just do the basics and do any other little things that need done . My house isn't perfect , and I don't want it to be , but it's fairly clean . Their is definate room for improvement .

Daily Outings: I try to only leave the house at most 3 times a week (usually something like Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's .) We will go out alot on the weekends though .  It just helps save on gas and makes it easier to plan homeschooling . If we have to go the store , run errands , doctors appointments or go to the park I always try to go in the mornings and try to be home before 1 .  This just works better for us and lets the kids take a nap in their beds . If they sleep in the van they only get a cat nap and won't nap at home and will be very grumpy . 

School: By South Carolina law homeschooling requires 4 1/2 hour of homeschool time everyday for at minimum 180 days . We plan on homeschooling year round with taking breaks throughout the year. Right now we do those hours throughout the day , sometimes we do school on the weekends if we are doing something educational as a family (if it's educational it counts as school) , somedays we have longer or shorter days than others but in the end it evens out . Right now Sarah and Jackson do a little school in the morning, about 2 hours in the afternoon and a some a night while I'm making dinner . It usually ends up to be about 4 1/2 hours . I try and make things into educational activities . Such as one day last week Sarah was sounding out words on signs while going down the road , she was asking me how to spell certain words and I would say sound it out and she would and almost always get it right . That counts as school time because she is practicing reading and sounding things out . I love homeschooling , it truly is something I'm passionate about doing for my children . Ever since my first child was born it has been something I have want to do .

Paying for the College Degree: The answer is simple , we will not be paying for there college educations . To some people that is the unforgivable sin but let me explain myself . Growing up my Mom made it clear that if I wanted to go to college that I would be paying for it . I did go to college and paid for almost all of it myself . My Mom did help with occasional tank of gas , groceries I might need and she did help me buy my books one semester because I was a couple hundred short but for the most part I paid for it myself . I worked part time and sometimes full time all the way through school .  I did two years , and after several major changes I decided to quit . I truly didn't know what I wanted to do , and in my opinion it was a waste of money to keep taking classes when I wasn't working towards any particular degree . I however went to school with several people who were just their because their parents were paying for it , they would skip class and didn't care what grade they got because they had no investment in their education . Also there is always the people that go to school and get a useless degree that they never use .  If  you are paying for it yourself you are more likely to work hard and not want to waste your money . It is possible to work your way through school . I will however help them through school just as my Mom did for me .  Also I won't force my children to go to college , if they have a desire to do so and want to go for something that is a career that is in need would be worth the investment then I will completely supportive . I will also be supportive of them just getting a job , or getting married or doing whatever they want to do . From personal experience I know that you don't need a college degree to be successful. In our case neither myself or my husband have college degrees . I am a full time stay at home mom but when I did work I made on average 600-700 a week waiting tables , and my husband is an electrician . I did awesome in high school , and did fairly well in college but never graduated .  My hubby barely made it through high school , he hated school and couldn't  wait get out and work . He did graduate , and while he was in high school a friend of the family taught him how to be an electrician . He didn't make much at the time , but it was a learning experience . He went onto other higher paying jobs as an electrician , to the job that he has now making very good money , all without a degree of any kind . Ultimately it's important to teach your children to be hard workers , to teach them to learn how to do  as much as they can , for them to be willing to do whatever it takes to earn a living and most importantly you need to teach them to live within their means and live on LESS than they make .  If you do those things they will be successful ,  degree or not . 

Laundry : I do laundry everyday . I am the type of person that if I only did laundry once or twice a week I wouldn't want to do it because it would be a huge pile . I work better doing 2-4 loads a day rather than spending all day doing it . When I get up I start a load , and work through it through the rest of the day one right after another . Usually I do about 2-4 loads sometimes more just depending . I hang out all my laundry (assuming that it's not raining outside) . I will usually hang it out around 11 in the morning and we will take it off the line around 6:30 in the evening . We fold it and put it in baskets and bring it in the house . The next morning I sort through it and put it away where it belongs . If I don't get to hang it out I either fold in the afternoon while the kids are sleeping or in the evenings . If I do it in the evenings Sarah loves to help fold . 

Toy Clean up and Kids Chores: As soon as my kids can walk they get a job . When they are little it's something simple like throwing away a diaper or helping pick up toys , but as they grow older they get more responsibility . In the morning all the kids are responsible for the cleaning their rooms , Sarah makes her bed and I make the boys beds . If we are staying home in the mornings between 9-11 it's free time . About 11:30 it's clean up time , the rule is at breakfast or lunch time that no breakfast/lunch until everything is cleaned up . I didn't use to have this rule and they would dilly/dally around and take forever to clean up . I started this rule and it's amazing how fast they move when they want something . They will have the house cleaned up in 10 minutes with little to no help from me .  Our theory is if they can make the mess they can help clean it up. They also help with setting the table , put any condiments that we might need on the table , cleaning up afterwards , they help with laundry from time to time , Sarah likes to sweep the kitchen , they put laundry away , they help in the garden picking green beans , carrots and other veggies , they help with some yard work . They put stuff in trash, laundry in  the dirty clothes , unload the dishwasher . They even help change the baby . Sarah gets the outfit , Jackson gets the diaper , I change the diaper and Andrew throws it away . My kids earn their keep , and most of the time they love doing it because they don't know any different . They are taught early to help so it's just part of everyday life for them . We want everyone to help with housework not just Mommy. Our goal is that by the time they leave our home they will know how to run a home and know how to do it all. I would feel like a failure if my college freshman didn't know how to do his/ her own laundry or cook a decent meal. I even want my children to adequately know how to run a sewing machine, change their own oil and do basic car repairs, in this day and time those kind of skills are needed.

Financially: Truly in our case God provides .  Matt works hard and makes a good living but he doesn't make a ton , he usually works about 50 hours a week .  In fact according to the federal government our income for our family size is under the poverty level . With that said we have never had anything shut off , we always have a good meal and never go without , we even have savings . We have a good life , and never go without .  He makes good money but according to how most people are accustomed to living we would be considered poor , but we have learned to live frugally and we feel rich . What clothes and shoes we have to buy for the kids are bought used , most of the clothes we have are given to us . Recently a dear friend gave us 7 grocery bags full of 3 and 4t clothes for the fall so I won't need to buy anything for Jackson for fall. I won't have to buy anything for Andrew either because we pass the clothes down . Nathan wears the same baby clothes that Jackson wore , even though I do buy an occasional "new to us" item for him . I basically only buy for Sarah and Jackson .  We only buy the kids toys twice a year (christmas and birthdays) and even then sometimes they are bought used . If we can we buy used before new . We live frugally by using our garden and canning quite a bit , hanging out our laundry , making our own cleaners , sewing , using cloth diapers and trying our best to not be wasteful with anything . I don't even turn on the heat/air unless I absolutley have to so we can keep the power bill down (down to 103 this month for an all electric house with 2 refridgerators , a deep freezer , washer and dryer and pool , not bad at all). In the spring/summer We just turn on fans , open the windows and if we can't stand it we go outside unless we have to be inside and then I'll turn on the air . Usually if it gets to about 80 in the house then I turn on the air.  In the winter I turn the heat down to 69 and we all wear long sleeves , pants and socks . If your still cold grab a blanket .  There have been so many cases where God has provided work , food , clothes that were given to us , money that we simply just found in a parking lot and not to mention frugal knowledge to make what we are given stretch .  We also pay cash for things , and don't make a habit out of not taking out loans for things . We have been their and done that in the past and it is just one big headache . We paid cash for my van , we will pay cash for the next truck we buy Matt , and any other purchases will be made in cash not on a credit card . Without a doubt God truly fills in the gaps and provides for us ! 

Patience: This is an area I can struggle with , with all little ones there are days that I am running low on patience , and there are days that I just about loose it . I truly have great kids that behave 99. 9 percent of the time, but everyone has bad days .  I truly have to rely on God , I have to every morning get on my face before my savior and ask for the patience that I need , to respond right to all of their little demands , the strength and energy to do all I need to do and to literally think before I speak because words can be hurtful and they do form who a child is . If I try to do it in my own strength 9 chances out of 10 I fail miserably and am exhausted , if I do it in the strength of the Lord it is so much easier . I have to do my best to get into God's word everyday, to be fed spiritually . I also listen to christian radio , and listen to on average 2 hours of preaching on the radio a day . Also my husband is truly a huge blessing to me . I have several friends who say their husband does hardly anything to help them , some peoples husbands don't even change diapers and are afraid to take care of their own children . I am so blessed with a husband that will do anything to help . He changes diapers , does laundry , helps with housework , and he's not afraid to take care of them by himself . We have an arrangement that on a regular basis he will either take all the kids out to the park or somewhere or he will let me go wherever I want to go . Sometimes that means I end up at my favorite thrift store for some retail therapy or I might go visit with a friend or go get my hair cut or go to the park and go on a walk . He makes sure that I get out and get some time by myself .  Also we have family close by that help out when I have a doctors appointment or something I need to do they will watch the kids for me . My Mom will also take all of them every couple of months and let them stay the night so Matt and I can have some alone time and a date night . Sometimes just a couple hours away from the kids is so refreshing, and I am a better Mom afterwards .


 A friend who has 7 beautiful children once told me that the Lord gives you what you need when you need it . The Lord will give you the patience and the means to care for whatever he has given you .  Children truly are a blessing from the lord . When we were first  married we never truly settled on a number of children we wanted , I think the general consensus was that we would just know when we were done . At the time I thought 3 children was alot . Once we had three children it really didn't seem like alot . We now have 4 and it really doesn't seem like alot to me , even though most people think it's ridiculously huge .  With each child added we just adjusted our life a little , not even so much that we even noticed . When we added our fourth their was pretty much no transition ,  it seemed like he was always here and I really can't remember life without him even though he had only been here 6 months . He was meant to be in our family . Our belief is that  a child is a blessing , and God is not going to give you a child without also giving you the means and capability to care for that child .  With each added child God has given us everything we have needed . We are in better financial shape now that we were before we had our first child . We have hard times but we made it through and learned the lessons that we needed to . In the end God truly makes it all possible . We currently have four, I am content with four, but if the Lord should choose to give us another I would be happy with 5 as well, and the same if we would be blessed with #6 .  We will be fine either way. God truly does make it all possible .

Everytime I hear this song on the radio it reminds me that with God all things are possible , that he can do anything he chooses through me no matter what the circumstances . There is always a lot of praising the Lord going on when this song comes on .

"I know mountains can move, I've seen what you can do in my weakness. So my heart will believe, if I wait I will see my God doing what only he can do. My God is strong and mighty, my God is faithful, my hope is in the Lord for he is able"